wake up

"We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years."

- George Carlin

this never fails to ground me. 

 

"When we measure something we are forcing an undetermined, undefined world to assume an experimental value. We are not ‘measuring’ the world, we are creating it."

- Niels Bohr 

teenage crime

i feel guilty that i haven't posted here in a while.
i haven't abandoned this blog - it's just that i haven't had any new materials or anything worth posting to share.

life has changed dramatically since july. for the better and worse. although the bad part looks more daunting simply because the good is a silver lining, a sliver of sunshine at the end of the tunnel that will only get bigger and brighter as i get myself out of my current predicament.

i can either bite the bullet and take the hit, or be true to myself and do what i want.
both have their pros and cons, with the former having surprisingly more pros than the latter.
but i know if i follow the latter, the truth will be out in the open and i'll be done playing charade.
it all depends on perspective and an individual's level of maturity, really.
most people have neither.

ps. things are going great with my love. he's one of the few, scarce things that keep me sane.

some of my favorite quotes

"Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness." - Ginsberg

"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination." - Wilde

"Do what you love and fuck the rest." - Dwayne, Little Miss Sunshine (2006)

"The only reason I lied was because the truth was so difficult to explain." - Murakami, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Twain

"But I'd only told them the truth. Was that so selfish? Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have." - Valerie, V for Vendetta (2005)

"I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded; not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night." - Hosseini, The Kite Runner

i feel as though my writing journey is nearing its end. not by my own means, but for the means of my "greater good".

it doesn't make sense, does it?
well, we'll see. writing makes me happy, but sometimes happiness can only fool a person for so long before reality settles in with a cold hard bitch-slap.

so i know i said i would post my short writings and whatnots here, but i haven't had the time to actually settle down and do some writing. that and my laptop has been going topsy-turvy on me. i think it's time to get a new one, but i don't want to spend money on such things. a new hard drive should do the trick.
there's not much for me to say right now.
but i have learned from the past couple of months that the hardest thing to go through is waiting. waiting for a response, waiting for a loved one, waiting to know a test result, etc.

the act of being inactive and incapacitated while anticipating a response is truly torturous. how much more can the psyche suffer.

in fact, i'm waiting right now, for my bear to show up. yes i know it is one thirty in the morning, but he's driving here because i've asked him to. was it selfish? perhaps, but there are just certain nights where you don't want to be alone. where i don't and he doesn't, either.

i've found a warm body and a familiar face to wake up to. and i'm not about to give that up for anything.

an eastern ballad

I speak of love that comes to mind:
The moon is faithful, although blind;
She moves in thought she cannot speak.
Perfect care has made her bleak.

I never dreamed the sea so deep,
The earth so dark; so long my sleep,
I have become another child.
I wake to see the world go wild.

- Ginsberg

beautiful. 

she's not the ideal, but she's your ideal. wild hair and brazen laughter. her eyes holding everything you’ve ever wanted to see in another human being. the security, the relief, and the joy of knowing she will always be there. a home away from home.
because sometimes, a person is all we need to feel like we belong in the world. 

summer love

the things i think of when i think of summer: 

lazy days and crazy nights. midnight hikes and blue hour munchies. sleeping in cars after deep, emotional talks. driving aimlessly with the windows down and the music turned up, screaming and laughing over the songs and bodies moving to the beat. wild adventures with fire and gambling and bright city lights. holding hands and cuddling at night. twirling around and dreaming of lavender fields and summer love. dresses that go swoosh and shoes that go clack. boys with ocean colored eyes and low, soothing voices that can lull me to sleep.

i am a girl, just like every other girl. you don’t have to tread carefully with me. be real, be you, don’t be afraid to talk or share your thoughts. your emotions and feelings are safe with me. 

my hands can hold your heart, and i will take good care of it.

the sweetest nothing anyone has ever known.

i've always thought blogspot was boring, but i'm thinking of using this again just for my writing and some pictures here and there, this summer.
we'll see.